


PLURALITY OF YOU, OF ME

by xanthicus



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-04-26 18:03:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14407527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xanthicus/pseuds/xanthicus
Summary: Kylo Ren shoves her toward the paneled wall, but Rey counters by using the Force to ease the impact into a gentle stop; it angers him further. She feels the cool metal against her skin, and the heat from his touch slowly sizzles away. Neither of them say a word, and Rey’s panting sounds thunderous as it echoes against the metal walls.“You’re throwing everything away!”he bellows, shattering the silent stalemate. His voice reeks with frustration.“All those years of training— gone!”Rey looks away. The shame rises from her stomach and gets stuck in her throat.“You’re weak,” he bites. “Stubborn. Insolent. A foolish child holding onto a defunct past.”“It’s all I have,” she whispers as his angry words hang in the air between them.





	1. ESSENCE

The story begins in a galaxy far, far away.

At the mere age of five, a small soul is about to be left alone in the Jakku desert. The sun is merciless and there is a maddening lack of humidity in the air. When the child breathes in, it feels like more parts dust than air.

She is confused. Why must she leave her parents? Why is her father dragging her by the arm and throwing her before the swollen feet of Unkar Plutt? Why is her mother, who would sing to her at night before bed, refusing to look at her? There is the sound of her father’s hushed voice and quiet _clink, clink, clinks_.

“Rey, we’ll come back for you. But you have to be a good girl and go with Unkar Plutt. You want me to be happy, right? Then be a good girl. No more tears.”

There is something in her mother’s voice that Rey cannot decipher. Not now. Not yet.

“You promise?”

Her mother’s hands sweep the tears away from her cheeks, and they both lock eyes. Her mother would never lie. Rey is only five but she knows truth— she knows her mother.

“Count the days, Nightbloom. We’ll be back before you know it.”

When her mother releases her face and steps back to join her husband and when Unkar Plutt drags her away, Rey writhes, scraping the skin of her knees against the hot sand, and screams again.

“No! Come back!”

No matter how hard she tries, she doesn’t understand the look on her mother’s face as she turns away. She tries to sear it into her memories.

 _Count the days,_ she said. And Rey does.

She obeys. She obeys for years.


	2. TEMPEST

It is day one thousand, five hundred and eighty-three. 

But as it turns out, it’s one of the better days.

The wind is not so harsh, and a small wiry scavenger cloaked in mismatched garments is climbing up an abandoned water tower. The distinct whistling of a ship rips through the air. The sound is so rare in today’s time that it could only belong to one heavily-modified freighter model hailing from Corellia. 

The scavenger scampers across the grounds of the outpost toward the outskirts, coming to an abrupt stop once she reaches the base of a ladder attached to the side of a dilapidated water tower. Her arm fly upwards, and they reach for the rungs of the ladder. She begins her hasty ascent. 

Kneeling on the roof of the tower, she ignores how hot the metal feels even through the fabric of her trousers. 

A smile stretches across her face. She is certain her favorite pile of garbage has returned to Jakku. Waving a hand in wide arcs, she calls out in a shrill voice that can barely be heard over the screeching thrusters. 

Her eyes follow the YT-1300 Corellian freighter as it circles several laps before touching down in a wide open area just outside the fences of Niima Outpost. 

The child practically leaps from the top of the tower and onto the sand, breaking her fall with a clumsy roll. Shaking the sand from her hair, she corrects the strap of her staff around her shoulder and breaks into a sprint towards the ship.

“ _Han_!” she squeals. The ramp of the _Millennium Falcon_ unfolds itself and a hiss of smoke briefly obscures the exit. She stops at the base of the ramp, hands on her knees as she bends over to catch her breath.

There is a familiar baritone laugh. “Hey, Rey. Good to see you.” 

Han Solo ruffles her hair, and Rey gives him a toothy smile in return. 

“I was wondering when you’d be back! You won’t believe what I found while you were gone,” she bubbles excitedly. Her eyes wander to the two figures standing behind Han. She immediately recognizes Chewbacca, but there is someone next to him that she has never seen before. She finds there is something familiar about his nose and his eyes. 

He is a young adult, possibly just a taller-than-average teenager. Rey notices how his leather vest looks almost identical to Han’s. He stares at her with dark blank eyes and makes no indication of how he might perceive a strange desert rat suddenly approaching the smuggling legend Han Solo. 

Rey takes it upon herself to investigate the new face. She points at the stranger and looks up at Han. “Who’s _that_?”

Han glances over his shoulder briefly and grunts. “That’s my boy. Remember how I told you about Ben?”

“You told me he was a kid!” She gives him another wary look, taking note of how he is fairly taller than his father. “That’s no kid.”

The old smuggler shrugs and chuckles. “Nuances. Anyway, I’ve got work for you if you ain’t busy scavenging that Star Destroyer of yours.”

Rey beams and perks up. “Of course. It isn’t going anywhere any time soon.”

Han waves a hand and gestures for her to follow him up the ramp. She catches Ben’s watchful eye once again and slightly purses her lips. There is something strange about… the air around him.

Rey huffs, dispersing the tension in her own thoughts, and clicks her tongue. “It’s rude to stare, y’know.” 

She is only nine years old, but her attitude is in no way hindered by her young age. 

Ben blinks away the intense gleam in his eyes and promptly scowls at her. His embarrassed reaction gives her a new found smugness, and Rey has to force herself to hold back her grin. 

Chewbacca howls for them to quit lagging and Rey bounces up the ramp.

“Hardly anything to stare at.”

It is the first time she hears his voice, and although faint and bitter, it rings fondly in her ears.  


——

_Somehow_ , despite having a notorious reputation among the galaxy and most likely more active bounties than Rey could ever know of, the _Falcon_ is still intact and operable even with two out of the three shield generators heavily damaged and the hyperdrive nearly in shambles. Han lifts the grate panel of the floor and she slips in without hesitation, her dark eyes scanning and assessing the list of necessary repairs. 

__

Rey pokes her head above the hole in the floor of the chassis. She swivels around until she finds Han, with his arms crossed, and a sheepish look on his face. 

“This is definitely worse than your last visit. On top of your broken shield generators, your defense weapons are kriffed up, the pipes are ready to leak korfaise gas, and _have you seen your power couplings?_ ”

Han sighs and scratches behind his ear. “Yeah, well. I was asked to make a delivery to a village nearby and thought you could give her a look while we were here.”

Rey glares at him.

“Patch up what you can here, alright? We’re gonna give the hyperdrive a look.”

“You’d better,” she quips. She snatches up a screwdriver that’s laying on the floor next to a toolbox before ducking back down. 

Rey is fidgeting with strips of bonding tape when the sound of hushed and echoing voices reach her ears. She glances behind her shoulder, finding no one, and searches for the source. Crawling along the inner mechanics of the Falcon, she follows the voices to their source. The hollow echo is coming from an air vent. 

She recognizes Ben’s low-toned voice, much like his father’s, petulant and scoffing. “ _So she’s a charity case._ ”

Rey bristles at his words and the hair on her neck stands up. 

“ _Hey, watch it. She’s a nice kid and it isn’t like that. I met her a couple years ago. She helps with repairs whenever we come around here. Hell of a mechanic in her._ ”

If it had been another kind of conversation, she would have been overcome with pride but at the moment, her thoughts are occupied by her growing indignation. 

There is a heavy pause before the sound of a sigh.

It’s Han again. “ _She’s out here on her own, alright? Says her family is gonna come back for her, but… this is Jakku._ ”

A hurt gasp flies out of her mouth. She had told him. She had shared that part of herself. _How could he—_

Anger flares inside of her and she yanks the strips of bonding tape from her fingers, flinging them to the ground. She heaves herself up from the opening in the floor and climbs out. A broad shadow passes over her and a pair of black boots appear in front of her. Her eyes snap up to meet Ben’s firm stare.  


“Were you eavesdropping?” 

Her cheeks flare. She stops herself from asking how he had known. It was unsettling how quickly he had confronted her in the first place. She finds her thoughts scrambling.

“You and your dad weren’t exactly trying to be quiet,” she snarls as she stands up, trying to regain her senses, her back straight and bony shoulders squared. Being called a charity case by Ben, practically still a stranger, did make her angry. However, it didn’t hurt her nearly as much as Han’s pitiful remark. A part of her has always had its own suspicions, but actually having to hear it left an ugly gash in her pride, of what little child has. 

Tears prick her eyes as she recalls their words and she inhales a wet breath. Clenching her fists at her sides, squeezing her eyes shut, Rey tries to force out the creeping doubts. “My parents are coming back. They’re out there somewhere, and they haven’t forgotten about me.” 

The muscles around Ben’s eyes soften and his lips part, as if to say something. There is a long moment before he replies, “When was the last time you saw your parents?”

The precise number appears in her mind. Rey knows the answer, but she doesn’t reward him the knowledge. 

“If you want, Han could take you off-world. An orphanage will take you in. The Coruscanti homes are some of the best in the galaxy.”

His demeanor softens further. “You don’t have to live on Jakku.”

She clenches her fists. No, she must survive on Jakku. “I’m fine where I am. My parents won’t be able to find me if I leave without a trace.”

“How are you so sure they’ll come back?”

“ _Because they’re my parents!_ ” she snaps. There is a burning anger glinting in her eyes. Her fists are clenched at her sides and she stands up rigid, defensive. “Would _your_ parents just leave you somewhere and not come back?”

His mouth gapes for a brief moment. His loss of composure is quickly covered up as he purses his lips and stares down at her with firm eyes. He has that look on his face that Rey hates. The kind that makes her feel small. 

Ben scoffs and shakes his head. “Not in a way you’d understand.”

The tears continue to rapidly build up on the edges of her eyes. Rey finds it harder with each passing second to keep herself from sobbing right in front of the most stupid person she’s ever met.

A vicious kind of frustration wells up inside her stomach, and she dampens down a snarl. 

“I wouldn’t,” she says with a watery breath. 

An unforgiving gust of wind rushes past them, and Rey flinches as the grains of sand bite at her skin. The both of them instinctively shield their faces with her arms. His dark brown cloak billows around them, flapping in the wind.

Rey knows the storm’s precursors. An opportunity of escape has presented itself. She shoots one last bitter look at Ben. She tells him to return to the _Falcon_ , and before he could protest, she is sprinting away. Over the dunes, out of sight. 

——

Ben watches from the window as the sandstorm— _Ri’ia_ his father had called it— rips through the desert landscape mercilessly. 

“Why don’t more people leave?”

“Jakku is all they know. There ain’t enough room on Core planets for every scavenger anyway. They’re comfortable here. It’s a tough life but they know how to survive in it better than you or me.”

Staring blankly at the swirling streams of dust on the other side of the window, Ben speaks matter-of-factly. He wants to say it even if he knows he shouldn’t. “She sees you as a father.”

“Better than letting her believe she’s all alone.”

Ben manages to hold back his scoff. Averting his gaze towards the ground, he ponders how much longer a small thing like her even has in a wasteland like Jakku. He had been feeling uneasy ever since their little blow-up. He had felt something. Something off. 

Anyhow, it was tactless. She is just a child. His uncle would have given him that famous _did you really just say that_ look and then would have proceeded to say that it was unnecessarily tactless. Ben never should have left Yavin 4.

Han sighs and leans in a little closer, firmly gripping Ben’s shoulder in an act of reassurance. “Listen, this won’t be my last stop to Jakku as long as I’m partaker in this kind of business. We’ll leave the option for her on the table. I think with some time she can appreciate having the choice.”

——

After fleeing from the Falcon, Rey barely makes it back to her AT-AT before the storm rolls in, full-force and as vicious as always. She wakes up early the next morning, brushing the sand that had blown through the cracks during the storm from her hair and clothes. 

There is a sourness on her tongue, partly from sleep and from yesterday’s events. Rey grimaces and huffs, trying to dispel the resentment that grew the more she allowed her mind to linger on the matter. She remembers to add another tally to the panel where she keeps count.

Shouldering her satchel and staff, she heads out on foot towards the Destroyer just as the sun is peaking over the horizon. 

She finds a couple batteries and aluminium wiring. Her mood lifts slightly at the thought that tonight’s meal will at least be better compared to the ones she’s been having for the past few weeks. Her bag fills up quickly with her salvage, and she decides to head over to the outpost before the sun begins to set.

After dusting off her salvage, she drops the items on the counter of Unkar’s booth and slides them towards him. On the tip of her toes, Rey’s eyes barely reach over the edge of the counter, but she sharply watches the bloated Crolute as he inspects the haul. He frowns at her and tosses two half portions at her, hitting her forehead. 

“Only two?” she cries. She thinks about how she knows those batteries are worth at least three portions each, not even considering the aluminium conductors. 

Unkar Plutt sneers at her and waves her off. “Take it or leave it, scav. Don’t think I didn’t see you run off with that smuggler trash yesterday. Remember that you work for me.” 

Her grip around her staff tightens and Rey snarls at him. One of Plutt’s bodyguards grabs her arm and shoves her out of line, chucking the two half portions at her feet. She knows she could snap back with a quick attack, but she wouldn’t survive the fight. Snatching up her portions, she walks away in angry strides from the booth. 

Rey ends up at the watering pool. She feels exhausted and the small spark of hope that today would be a better day had disappeared in an instant. The rippling surface of the water blurs and muddies her reflection. 

Really, she hasn’t felt this alone in a long time. 

“Rey.”

The voice startles her, the hair on her neck prickles. She looks behind her shoulder, tense and guarded. Glaring at the smuggler, particularly longer at his son, Rey grumbles after realizing who it is. “What do you want?”

Han scratches the back of his neck and shrugs. “We’ve gotta take off. It wouldn’t be right if we didn’t say goodbye.”

Ben stands behind his father, but with his height, he still sticks out like a sore thumb. When their eyes meet, Ben breaks away first, averting his stare toward the ground.

She rolls her eyes. “Well then, goodbye.”

“Nice work on the power couplings.”

Rey knows he’s lying to cheer her up. She hadn’t even _touched_ the couplings. 

“And I’m sorry about what I said about your parents,” Han adds, except it comes out quieter than his last sentiment. He glances behind his shoulder at Ben. “We’re sorry.”

Rey stares at Han’s nervous expression. He won’t look her in the eye. 

She has always been terrible at holding grudges. 

“I forgive you. But you owe me flying lessons on the _Falcon._ ”

Han cracks a crooked smile and ruffles her hair, which seems to rile up her spirit enough she attempts to slap his hand in retaliation. Han laughs heartily and dodges every swipe with ease. He climbs up the ramp, Chewie in tow. Ben takes his father’s spot in front of her, but he towers over her like some freakish giant. Rey wants to splash dirty well water in his face. She's quick to forgive Han, but nepotism has no place among her principles.

He kneels down in front of her, startling her. Without warning, he takes her hand, forcing her palm open. There is a cold sensation that lands against her skin, and he gently pushes her hand back towards her. 

“This is for you.”

Rey stares at the object in her hand. It’s a small white crystal, opaque and jagged, only slightly bigger than her thumb. She doesn’t recognize it. The geological variety of Jakku is just as scarce as any other resource. The rock could easily be common quartz or deceivingly natural yet actually synthetic—  


She blinks and her stray thoughts clear away. “What is it?”

“It’s a kyber crystal. I hope maybe one day you’ll need it.” She can’t place it, but there is something else behind the way he said that. 

“I’ve never seen it with my own eyes before. Kyber.” The word leaves her mouth like some kind of magic spell. The notorious crystal is no stranger to her, however. Throughout her solitary years in the desert, from time to time she would eavesdrop on gossiping circles of other scavengers. She’s heard plenty of stories about kyber cartel shipments going wildly awry when they were ambushed by those who also had a deep interest in the resource. 

“And you’re just giving it to me? You barely even know me. Don’t you need it?”

He shrugs. He pats his lightsaber that hangs from the belt loop near his hip, staring at it almost fondly. “Not really. I’ve always carried this one in my pocket anyway. Like a charm.”

“Don’t lose it, kid.”

Something swells up inside her and she holds her breath. Rey clutches it against her chest, near her heart, like a promise. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.”

His eyes flicker about and he has a look like he’s in deep thought. Rey is amused by how he seems perpetually hesitant. 

It's stupid, but she thinks she's already forgiven him. She grins. “What?”

“I’m just thinking about what my uncle would say next.”

A moment passes between them, and the corner of his mouth quirks up, almost reaching a smile. 

“May the Force be with you, Rey.”

——

She watches them go, from her spot on the water tower, wrapped in the fading orange glow of the Jakku sunset. The silhouette of the _Falcon_ soars across the sky like a black brush on canvas, and it’s any moment now they will initiate the hyperdrive and disappear for months, maybe years. 

Maybe they’ll never come back. 

_Count the days._

Rey rolls the kyber crystal between her fingers. Her imagination is stretched far and wide as a sense of longing and dread weigh down heavier than she has ever known. Something is shouting inside of her, of her soul, her spirit. She knows she has to let go. Of wrong hopes, of distractions. She has to let go of this or she won’t survive it.


End file.
